lemony

B.L.O.C.

Big Lady On Campus.
That's me.
Second semester at Kutztown U. as a grad student. Papers, tests, internet research! What a concept.
Last time I was in college (in the dark ages), we:
- had to type our papers on TYPEWRITERS!
- had to research stuff by looking at MICROFICHE machines!
- had to buy that oniony onionskin paper for writing papers on!
- mostly spent all our time in Recitation Annex, stabbing ourselves accidentally with Exacto knives!

Here's my big problem, same as last time. I want to take EVERYTHING.
Ideally, I'd like to, simultaneously, get
- An MFA in graphic design
- Another MFA in printmaking
- Another MFA in writing
- An MA in English literature
- An MS in Electronic Media
- A PhD in Composition and
- A PhD in Mass Communcations

Oh yeah, and I was thinking I might like to teach 8th grade SCIENCE. Yeah - that's right.

Guns 'n cake

How "me", to just totally overshare about everything and then stop again for like another year.
OK, so, here I am - hello, future selves! Hello, grandchildren!
Wow, things are really cooking along. Amos is ten now. Can't believe it, double digits. We just had the best possible ten year old boy birthday party, which went like this:
Invite EVERYONE you can think of, tell them all to bring their Nerf dart guns, if they have 'em, put them all into a big square gym-like room, give them a bunch of large cardboard boxes to build forts with, and have a shoot-out. It must have been fun because no one would, like, even stop to have ice cream and cake, even though Amos totally created amazing target-based artwork on three vanilla layer cakes and we had Party Cake ice cream. It was an orgy of foam-base pseudo-violence. So much for sensitive new-age parenting.

A couple of rockin cousins.

hello. gosh. time.

Wow. Where the heck have I been for the last YEAR? Clearly I am no Dooce but now that annlemon.com is up and running (thank you Mr. Collins!) its kinda embarrassing to have this dead blog link. Plus, I love the good blogs.
    What's new? Well, as my friend Alan says, I've been "in the hall". (When one door closes, yadda yadda.... but until the second one opens, in the hall you are). I went through a sort of grief overload between losing a couple friends my own age (cancer, car wreck), having my mom take a downturn and, um, losing a baby. That we weren't planning for but that I got TOTALLY excited about. It was only 12 weeks but, still. Turns out when they tell you how risky it is to get pregnant at age 45 they ARE NOT KIDDING.
    Anyhoo all those things happening more or less together, not to be a total wimp, but sort of made me feel like I just fell off the horse that was my life. I just kind of STOPPED. First because I was extremely tired during that little spell of early preganacy and only wanted to lay down for a couple months, then, because my body I think got really whacked out with the hormonal effects of the baby's death, and then lastly when it was all over with I just had one of those moments where you step outside your life and go, What is the POINT? What am I trying to accomplish here? Who am I? It's probably about half over: what do I want to do with Part 2 of this movie?
     So. In the meantime, I kept on freelancing (a little) and teaching (unfortunately, not as well as I did last year) and being a mom (holding on maybe tighter than ever to a certain small person) and only collapsing into a weeping pile of tears, like, every now and then, usually, for some reason, in the car. And then, thanks to the loving care of my wonderful husband, the patience of my child, a little bit of therapy and 10 milligrams of Prozac DAILY I feel a WHOLE lot better now and have regained my zest. Also, I finally committed to a course of action for the next phase: after a whole heap of hemming and hawing I applied to a master's program to get a teaching certificate in secondary ed (for English). I decided to hold onto what I LOVE doing (mentoring kids) and let go of the part I'm not that passionate about, anymore (the business of advertising) while still hopefully giving them lots of tools and techniques for expressing themselves and their creativity in this crazy digital world. So, now all I have to do is get a B or better in 2 math classes and pass the PRAXIS 1. Whoo hoo!

TED Day 2

Today was one of those peak TED days, where each talk flows into the next, twists your mind into a pretzel and peels your heart like an onion. The upshot of it all is: human beings are fucking amazing.

John Doerr. We all wept with him - to see man of his accomplishment basically say "it's not going to work. We aren't going to be able to stop global warming in time," gives new meaning to the word horrifying. Quote: I'm scared and I'm angry.

On his heels, cute Robin Chase. I love when a genius wears red MaryJanes. Thanks for the Zip cars, Robin, and thanks for the coming-soon and (again) dire warnings. 4% reduction in greenhouse gasses by using fuel-efficient cars? Not enough. Hello, road taxes.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala. Thank you for the break from PowerPoint. Who needs it when they have your stage presence. And thanks for changing our minds about Africa.

Rives - thank God - we needed some hilarity. Not fair when someone so smart is so funny. 4 am will never be the same. And Erin McKean - on dictionaries.

Jonathan Harris? Thanks for giving me something to look at the first day of class.

Nathan Myyhrvold, John Maeda, and Maria Kalman - clearly playfulness is closely related to genius.
Maira: "How do we know ourselves? How do we know the sentences coming out of our mouths are real?" "I wanted to tell a narrative story, and I wanted to tell MY story." "Depressed? No. Cranky? Probably. Horrified? Perhaps."

The Jill and Julia show. If I could subscribe to it evey day by podcast, I would.

Then, the burning hot core of I-am-not-worthy-ness, seeing the humble James Nachtway
(how can he persist in the face of such gruesomeness? How does he stay sane? He's like an angel hovering above a battlefield, only with a camera) and E.O. Wilson (limiting his study, because of his blindness- from a fishing accident! - to the creatures "you can hold between your thumb and your forefinger" - and thus illuminating the world) and the captivating Mr. Clinton, looking more and more like Robert Redford - is there plastic surgery involved? - and perhaps chatting with Goldie Hawn a little TOO intimately - however, the gravity and force of his intellect were awe-inspiring, and gave a clear demonstration of WHAT THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD SHOULD BE LIKE.
And then Paul Simon, to send us home.
Where I watched The Last King of Scotland, in case I end up seated next to Forest somehow.
And on to Day 3.

TED Day 1

The contents of this year's TED will be posted online, as were last years, and in fact today one of the little interstital extras was the unveiling of the new TEDTalks site - elegant and useful it appears to be.
So, since the TEDblog is quite thorough and the talks will be viewable by all I'm just blogging here about my own small impressions before they fade. I'm talking voluminous notes this year too.

Day 1:
Philippe Stratck. I loved him. Basically the point: art (and design) is really only important during the times of humanity's "light" when other more "important" issues like war and famine and disease are on the wwane. Now, not sure if I agree because doesn't art help even in the dark ages? His contention that now is one of those shadow times was immediately countered by Stephen Pinker's uplifting talk about the overall decrease in violence in human history. Dramatic statistics. Pretty amazing when you think that voices for peace have only been allowed to speak for the past 200 or 300 years - before that, protest the Man and off with your head (or worse).

Kareem Abdul Jabbar. The humble quietness of this towering icon makes your heart go still and then open up like a lily pad. He talked about heroes, hard work, having a mentor, and growing up "standing on the shoulders of giants." I felt his childhood, his mother and father, shine through his eyes while he talked.

And then to wind up the day: oh my God, Raul Midon. I had heard his music but didn't really know where it came from. It made me swoon and sent chills up my spine - that trumpet-soloey thing with his mouth!!! BUY THIS ALBUM.

Wow. Just Wow.

It's been a year since I started this blog, inspired by Mena Trott of SixApart at last year's TED. And here I am back in Monterey for another mega-mindwarp.
Due to my own ineptness I missed a lot of the pre-TED emails and hence, kind of blundered my way here, but here I am nevertheless, and I'm up for it all.
As a TED "veteran" as opposed to last year's TED "Virgin" I know more of what to expect and am less uptight than last year. I vow to soak it all in, not let any outside distractions make me miss anything, and most importantly I scheduled time to stay for the whole thing this year - I can't believe I let myself leave early last year and missed some of the best talks like Majorca Carter's - thank God they are now all posted online at the TEDTalks section of the TED site.

Also, I have a Mantra this year: I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy. I'm sure that paralyzing self-doubt and loathing I tend to drop into sometimes here (not so much while I'm listening to an amazing speaker capuslating their life's genius and achievements in 18 mind-blowing minutes, but more when I meet another audience memeber and they casually mention they just sold their company for 500 million - I'm not kidding - dollars and are looking for their next entrepreneuial venture) is a sign of either
a) my desperate need to belong to any group I'm in and be popular (so shameful)
b) of course related to some deepseated insecurity
c) just a big stick I use to beat myself over the head with to keep myself from going forward.
The task here is for me not to constantly compare myself with these superachievers, but to humbly accept who I am and what my own unique skills are, try to raise the bar of my own expectations and to increase the level of the problems I tackle. I love that TEd crisscrosses the talks with scientists, inventors,humanitarians, artists and musicians - it reminds me that while everyone onstage is at the pinnacle of their field, they all did it by listening to the still, small voice inside and following their hearts. And besides, I'm just here to listen. And I deserve to be here.

January wrapping up

So. That covers the big events. Smallwise, here at home we are crackpotting on the world of the Gifted Child. Oh yes. And the crackpot fuelpit is wide and deep. Thank God for the internet and my AA sponsor, Leslie, who has gone down this path before me. The school district is on-the-job but seems slow as molasses. I love the kid's second grade teacher more than life itself. Now staying tuned to see what the mysterious GIEP will be like. And the report card is in: good: and the traveling folder has been on a streak of four-sticker days. Even the behavior at CubScouts seems to be on the mend: tomorrow is the PineWood Derby. We're starting to think about summer camp. And we (all right! I confess! primarily me: see what I mean about working at home?) are glued to the transparent walls of Uncle Milton's Gel Colony Ant Farm: one of the greatest birthday presents ever. The ants themselves arrived yesterday in a little teeny weeny test tube. Yesterday Amos and I spent an hour or so throwing some large (ten pound-ish?) rocks into Neighbor Dave's pond and repeating over and over, never ever ever walk on a frozen pond. Never. Ever.

Also: could someone tell me: what is UP with this cancer outbreak all around my friends? STOP IT RIGHT NOW, God. OK?

Oh yeah, made a couple trips to Delaware to get student work organized for entry in the Art Director's Club of NY annual competition. Fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, Farmer Dane is running around like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Has a buncha jobs rolling through the cabinet shop, and I have to say, each one is more gorgeous than the last. A big 'un right now that is some kind of upscale security booth and xray device (the times we live in!) all inlaid and grooved and with setbacks and fortyfive degree angle thingies and I could not make head nor tail of the prints but the things themselves are just stunning. Aunt Shirley was saying the other day: did we realize that whatever one of us can't do, the other can? This farm is REALLY looking fine. The new tin roof on the cabinet shop just makes it all look so matchy-matchy (in a good way).

Today I wrapped up the Saatchi job for an 8:45 a.m. (!!) meeting. Then for fun created a new page on this Caron e-book, "Reflections of Recovery." Did all the laundry, went to the grocery, and took the dog for a walk in the snow.

further January learnings

So. Post vacation. Literally on the way home from the airport got another call to work for Saatchi on a haircare brand which shall-not-be-named. A wonderful job, kind of a tight brief - so tight it gives you a wedgie. Off premises which was nice. For the first time I really got to experience the life of a truly independent (working in your underwear at home) freelancer: like everything else when you are actually doing it, it's different from the way you picture it beforehand (see Stumbling On Happiness which I just finished). Other winter reading: educational, xmas gift from my sis: The Trial of Queen Caroline a riveter. And then the usual bus-station/airport trash: the truly awful Death Dance by the ex-DA Linda Fairstein, and kind of a keeper, Lake In the Clouds, an historical novel set in the American frontier in 1802. And then the extraordinary - and similarly themed Bad Man Ballad, also a gift from Sara, for Dane. And while we're talkin about Injuns let's read some more of these First Americans Series by Kathleen and Michael Gear (how do married people write 12 books together?). And um about ten other detective type thingies so forgettable. And meanwhile I got to listen to (so it feels like I read) Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman, a short story collection (now, I'm thinking, not a form that takes well to books-on-tape) by Harumi Murakami and Elements of Style by Wendy Wasserstein. And on the same theme Elements of Typographic Style and also, Stop Stealing Sheep and Learn How Type Works. Haven't yet gotten to my new OneClub annual but have been diving into the eye-popping Chip Kidd: Book One. In the meantime avoiding The Pursuit of Victory on my bedside table and slowly making my way through The Selfish Gene so I'll be ready for the next TED conference - yay! - in March.

my internship(s)

As all my senior students have been dispersed to the four winds this January, pursuing fascinating internships which you can read all about on DEsigners, and as this blog is hopelessly out of date, I'm seizing this moment to record my own little January adventures.

School was officially "out" on December 15th. On December 16th I started a quick little freelance gig at Nitro with this fantastic and dear writer friend. We worked on a big-brand-I-shall-not-name. The agency was in a hair-on-fire kind of crunch and had already booked a director to shoot a spot - the lovely and talented Terrence Williams. In the end the client-who-shall-not-be-named basically rewrote the entire spot and somewhere our original idea may have gotten a teensy bit lost. But we held our heads high and in the meantime I discovered some of the best chocolate (and perhaps worst service?) in Manhattan.

Simultaneously, almost, I also worked a few days at my "alma mater", mcgarrybowen on a pitch for a Pfizer product. My other fantastic writer bud was temporarily missing an art director and I filled her stylish shoes. This was a cool job because all I had to do was redesign/decorate the rough outline of an idea they had already come up with. So the brainracking was over and the color-choosing, font-picking, poster-designing was on. Sadly the agency did not win the pitch: allegedly they thought mb missed a strategic insight and the work was "too out there." While I hate to lose, losing on the basis of being "too creative" seems like a good way to go. Oh well. It was nice to be back in the well-run and cranking mb studio for a weekend.

And to make myself triply crazy, I picked up a small design job to create an identity and site design for an innovative new online survey company. More on that hopefully once it's up. And fourthly, they put me onto another quick-turnaround job to design some banner ads for this search engine. Which I barely pulled off with the assistance of a brilliant junior from my ad class (thanks Joey.) No, really: brilliant.

After all that writing and designing and shooting I was overjoyed to go home for xmas and see what the crazyfun bros and sisses were up to. And me mum.

Got a whammer of a piece of news from my her: new diagnosis of Alzheimer's. . This is really sad cause her brain is my mom's best feature, and one of the only pieces of equipment that hadn't already gone south on her. The good news is she is in very early stages (so early all of us actually didn't QUITE notice it, or wrote it off to just the general where-are-my-keys kind of degrading of the memory we all experience with age). But looking back on it there were some definite warning signs: more than the usual amount of hearing her ask the same questions over in a later conversation, and a couple incidences where she got really mixed up and upset about some things that wigged us all out. So, in a way, good to know what's going on, on the other hand, what a horrifying disease and one that my sister already witnessed firsthand in her mother-in-law - and it ain't pretty.

But we laughed, ate and drank (sometimes all at the same time) ourselves silly as usual. The nieces and nephews are near-adults all round and add another layer of interestingness to the lemonies. Brill Ize is now a research assistant at The Fed. Equally brill Hann is off to do an internship herself at a pediatric developmental psychologist in Indianapolis (who knew such existed?) and if you need a pediatrician in about 6 years - look her up.

Came back from that and wrapped up the Nitro job with a shoot and postproduction few days and then had to kind of exit prematurely to go on vacay YIPPEE.

To be continued.