It's been a year since I started this blog, inspired by Mena Trott of SixApart at last year's TED. And here I am back in Monterey for another mega-mindwarp.
Due to my own ineptness I missed a lot of the pre-TED emails and hence, kind of blundered my way here, but here I am nevertheless, and I'm up for it all.
As a TED "veteran" as opposed to last year's TED "Virgin" I know more of what to expect and am less uptight than last year. I vow to soak it all in, not let any outside distractions make me miss anything, and most importantly I scheduled time to stay for the whole thing this year - I can't believe I let myself leave early last year and missed some of the best talks like Majorca Carter's - thank God they are now all posted online at the TEDTalks section of the TED site.
Also, I have a Mantra this year: I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy. I'm sure that paralyzing self-doubt and loathing I tend to drop into sometimes here (not so much while I'm listening to an amazing speaker capuslating their life's genius and achievements in 18 mind-blowing minutes, but more when I meet another audience memeber and they casually mention they just sold their company for 500 million - I'm not kidding - dollars and are looking for their next entrepreneuial venture) is a sign of either
a) my desperate need to belong to any group I'm in and be popular (so shameful)
b) of course related to some deepseated insecurity
c) just a big stick I use to beat myself over the head with to keep myself from going forward.
The task here is for me not to constantly compare myself with these superachievers, but to humbly accept who I am and what my own unique skills are, try to raise the bar of my own expectations and to increase the level of the problems I tackle. I love that TEd crisscrosses the talks with scientists, inventors,humanitarians, artists and musicians - it reminds me that while everyone onstage is at the pinnacle of their field, they all did it by listening to the still, small voice inside and following their hearts. And besides, I'm just here to listen. And I deserve to be here.
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